Advances in technology and how we communicate have solved a lot of problems in the world. Conversely it has also amplified many ongoing behavioral issues as well. Where technology has made our lives easier in many aspects of daily life, that same ease of use is taken for granted by many and abused in ways that governing bodies seem unable to control and regulate (nor, perhaps, should they). One of these abuses is the ever growing use of cell phones by teens for the purpose of cyber-bullying, “sexting” and texting in school. This subject has been covered ad nauseam lately, especially with the rise of smart phones in the marketplace.
When children get caught in one of these behaviors the punishments can be harsh. The blame is squarely set on the children, in some cases on the schools and the technology that makes it possible. Rarely is the blame set on the parents. Currently “sexting” is considered a felony in most states and the punishments are severe, and often inclusion in the sexual offender database. Though some states are considering lessening that charge, if it’s between two minors between 13-18 who are in some sort of relationship, to a misdemeanor.
Some schools banned hoodies for the specific reasoning that children were hiding their already banned cellphones in the large pockets and texting via memorization of the keypad. Have to give the kids a bit of credit for that, if a good portion of them weren’t elementary students. Which shows this isn’t just an issue related to just teens. For the sake of the rest of this article and the prevalence of this behavior among teens & tweens we’ll stick with that age group.
There are parental guidance questions here that are begging to be asked.
First, why does your child even have a smart phone? This is a loaded question and one that has riled up many a gear-head in forums across the internet. The technology exists and there are many helpful applications to justify your child having a smart phone, but is it a need? The stodgy old man answer is no, it is not a need. Sure, having a cell phone is convenient and without a doubt very important in case of emergency. But we survived without them didn’t we?
The real question isn’t about having a smart phone or not, the real question is what are you as a parent doing to ensure your child’s security and/or appropriate behavior? Whether parents want to accept this fact or not is up to them, but teens are still children and their security and well-being is the responsibility of not only themselves and their school – but primarily of their parents.
Parents are the ones who set the tone for behavior, parents are the ones who teach (or don’t teach) responsibility and morality. Kids will always be kids as the saying goes. They were “sexting” when I was in school except it wasn’t with a cell phone, it was with a Polaroid taken in a bedroom or the locker room. The behavior hasn’t changed, the technology surrounding that behavior has, which is where the problems are arising.
On a side note, to me “kids will be kids” is an excuse for the irrational and unpredictable behavior that children – especially teens – exhibit. Where we’d all like to think even the best raised child will chose the morally correct or sane path, the factors of peer pressure & a chemically imbalanced brain can lead to decisions that might not fit in with our preconceived notions of predictable behavior. Hence, why kids will be kids. Tech Blogger Susan Getgood had a good point about kids being kids in her recent column on BlogHer, about teenagers and “sexting”;
Today’s teens are not so lucky. They’ve got tools like Facebook and cell phones that let them be stupider that we could ever have imagined. They can do the stupid stuff and document it, all at the same time. It makes me wonder if the 21st century Keymaster won’t be collecting just keys at the senior party, but also cell phones.
Many children are responsible with technology and understand how it’s distributed, especially those coming into the world now. They know that whatever goes on the internet is permanent. Sadly, a good portion of the current youth populace seems to have little regard for the privacy and personal safety of their peers, as evidenced by the articles linked above. With reckless abandon they have no problem sending a naked picture to everyone in class, disregarding the implications of that action (in some cases unfortunately, suicide.) This is behavior, not technology. With technology being the tool though, and behavior being more difficult to control (as again, the kids will be kids excuse pops up,) the technology is where some controls can be put in place.
With this in mind, I spoke to Jack McArtney, Associate Director of Advertising & Content Standards at Verizon Wireless to find out more about what tools are available via the carriers themselves to assist parents. He spoke mainly of their usage control products, found via their parental control center online.
We have a capability within our platform that a consumer can turn off any feature at any time, kind of a sledgehammer approach. This is usually a last resort, as it stops all the good text messages. What we would recommend as an alternative, is using our usage control products which limits the text and picture messages that a child can send & receive.
This enables the parents to either shut off access completely, giving their child a phone that is just for making phone calls, or to monitor their child’s behavior with the phone through these online tools. Not just monitor, but restrict as well. Like McArtney mentioned, there may be good text messages mixed in with the possible bad. The parents can then pick and choose whom they want their child talking to via text and picture, enabling a parental control through the technology.
Operating on a similar premise as the Verizon Wireless model above, there are companies like SMobile, a security & parental control software company headquartered in Columbus, OH. They have created a software program specifically for parents to monitor their children. Which, is exactly what a good portion of our children need when it comes to technology use, whether they think they do or not. SMobile has released their Parental Controls Dashboard, a web-based software program designed for parents to view all emails, messages (including pictures taken,) address book, track via GPS and filter calls on their child’s phone.
The selling point here is that the software is to assist parents with protecting their children from cyber-bullying, stalking and “sexting.” That’s all well and good, but what if their child is the one doing the bullying? Then the software can be turned around to find out what your child is doing wrong, rather than what wrong is being done upon them.
Yes, I know your child is a perfect little angel, but not much has changed in behavior among teens and tweens, just the tools associated with that behavior. While this all seems like helicopter parenting (a term that is used much to often to describe attentive parents) it’s actually just protective parenting. Whether your child is the victim or the aggressor, you as the parent should know what is going on with their technology use.
But is software and technology the only way to find out what your child is doing? Some would argue yes, but they are the same ones that believe it is the responsibility of the schools to raise our kids. It can be a harsh reality for some to learn that the best way to parent your children is through actual responsibility and parenting. Many parents feel such a disconnect with their children when it comes to technology they is trepidation when confronting a teen about their tech use. The longer this goes on, the harder it will be for the parent to close that gap.
What the parents fail to understand is that it’s not the technology, it’s the behavior. As mentioned, the technology is just a tool that is being utilized to perpetuate the behavior. Teens using the technology to “sext” and text in school isn’t something that is going to go away if ignored. It’s only going to get worse and escalate if ignored. Where we used to just have the sex talk with our kids, now we’ll have to have the “sext” talk with them. In text acronyms of course.
The tools are available to assist parents with controlling the behavior by controlling the technology. Kids might be kids, but that doesn’t mean we as parents shouldn’t know what they’re being kids about.
How do you monitor your child’s technology & cell phone use? Have you had to deal personally with a “sexting” or texting in school issue? Let us know in the comments!
Image Credit: C. Silver
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